Cowardly me
Today is the day I was supposed to take Kermit to the vet, but I called and cancelled at the last minute. I was filled with dread from the moment I got up this morning and it only got worse as the day went on. It's not that the vet place is a bad place. I've known the vet for many years and she's very competent, the kind of person who lets you call them at home on a weekend if you're worried about your cat, the kind of person who cried when we put my cat Spot to sleep. The staff is great too. Still couldn't make myself go. Partly it's that Kermit is so terrified of going there that she routinely urinates in the car on the way before descending into a kind of coma of despair - I always feel like I'm betraying her by taking her. Partly it's that I think she's really sick in a way that isn't fixable, and I don't want to hear them tell me that. And to be honest, I'm afraid they'll think I'm a bad cat parent for letting Kermit deteriorate so much. They'd likely be right. I guess I'll remake the appointment in the next week or two. Anyway, thanks to those of you asking about Kermit.
posted by crystal | 12:37 PM
6 Comments:
I don't think you're a coward. Just horribly torn between being scared of losing someone you love and seeing them suffer. I've never lost a pet yet, either dog or cat, though we have one of each...I know I will be absolutely devastated if they ever get seriously ill and most certainly when the time comes for them to move on.
It doesn't make you a coward, just the loving, compassionate daughter God created you to be.
Nothing in the world wrong with that. ;o)
Thanks, Cura. Very kind :)
I went through the same emotions when our dog was sick last year, I think I was in denial. These are tough things to deal with.
I agree with Cura, we can feel how much you love Kermit! Don't beat yourself up. And thanks for being so open and honest - I feel like I really know you!
Hugs ~ D
Thanks, Dyan.
The end-of-life decision is such a tough call. We have the ability to put an end to their suffering, but how do we determine how much they're suffering--or if they're suffering at all? My vet uses a food criteria: If they eat their dinner, it's not time to think of euthanasia. I'm sure the criteria is more complex than that, but that's how I remember it. Still, it hasn't done me much good over the years as I've faced end-of-life issues with many pets.
I know I've let at least one go too long, and I know I put down one too soon. Which do I feel worse about? I'm not sure.
I guess what I'm saying, Crystal, is that your vet knows as well as we do that you love your cat. All we can do is our best, and that's what you're doing.
Thanks, Susan.
Speaking of eating, I just finished giving Kermit a syrnnge of food. She is eating still but only a few bites at a time, usually. So I've started giving her a syring of food a few times a day. We both detest it but seems better than the alternative.
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