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Thoughts of a Catholic convert

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Monday, January 10, 2011

Bill Zeller

I guess most people have read of this by now but I thought I'd mention it too ...

Bill Zeller, Princeton Grad Student And 'Brilliant' Programmer, Dies In Apparent Suicide

Bill Zeller, a Princeton Ph.D candidate and renowned internet programmer, died Wednesday from injuries sustained in a suicide attempt. He was 27. Zeller stunned the programming community with a 4,000-word suicide note detailing a childhood of physical and sexual abuse, which he had never before disclosed to anyone. "I've never been able to stop thinking about what happened to me and this hampered my social interactions," Zeller wrote. "... I wondered what it would be like to take to other people without what happened constantly on my mind, and I wondered if other people had similar experiences that they were better able to mask." ....

You can read his note at the linked story above. I've just read the note myself and I recognize some of what he's feeling in my own life. This can't help but remind me of the thirteen people who are said to have committed suicide due to clergy sex abuse in Belgium (link). I think perhaps many people don't realize how ruinous sexual abuse can be to the whole of a person's life ... maybe someone should send Bill Zeller's note to the Curia.


5 Comments:

Blogger Stephen C. Carlson said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Stephen C. Carlson said...

I read that and it just broke my heart.

8:44 PM  
Blogger crystal said...

Hi Stephen,

Nice to hear from you.

Yes, really sad.

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Victor said...

I've read the entire letter that Bill Zeller wrote and the first thing I must say is God Bless his soul cause he convinced me that there was no getting away from his demon.

I got lucky around 1991 when I told God that I would quietly stay in that mental hell for seven days and if "IT" did not get any better I would take my life and to make a long story short, no physical pain that I've experience can still compete with the evil that I mentally went trough and to make another long story short, after receiving The Body and Blood of Christ for two consecutive days, I was my old self again. People who truly know me might say that my Catholic believes are a "Fun Mental List" and my family would probably go on to says that I'm a pussy cat when "IT" comes to enforcing "IT". In other words I try to stick to praying instead.

The suicide demons never really want to let go of you and "IT" almost seems like they have a pack among themselves. For example, before my older brother took his life, two other of his friends took their's first for different reasons and to make a long story short, he tried "IT" once before he succeeded the second time. The first time he shot half of his face off with his hunting rifle looking for sympathy and to make another long story short, he succeeded the second time by hanging himself in his jail cell after the guards broke about 6 of his ribs and I won't say that he was not on suicide watch cause what good would "IT" do I ask, to open up an old can of worms when he no longer needs sympathy?

>>maybe someone should send Bill Zeller's note to the Curia.<<


crystal, if we sent "IT" so prayers can be said for his soul and spirit that they might reach some kind of human form of Nirvana, I might try to agree but for those who think we should milk this and send "IT" so that more changes can be made in The Church that Jesus The Christ gave to His Apostle Peter, and not to our so called peter, then in that case I would strongly and peacefully disagree cause as far as I'm concerned, too many physical changes have been made already to please the flesh and if Catholics continue to make changes in this mannor the next thing we'll hear is that a pack has been made with living spiritual reality dogs to lead the blind to Christ and if that's the case then, we'll simply need to continue to agree to disagree until Our Heavenly Father sends His Son one final time to show U>S the straight and narrow way!:)

Thank you for trying to understand and please keep praying for my soul and spirit.

God Bless Peace

1:16 PM  
Blogger crystal said...

Victor,

Sorry about your brother. Yes, we can always agree to dsagree. No need for thanks - keep praying for me too.

3:48 PM  

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